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Confession: I'm a feminist. But at heart, I'm also a traditionalist. I think woman and men should be equals and are capable of doing 99% of the same things (exceptions include the whole child-carrying thing). Yet when it comes down to it, I'd rather not do any of the following: construction (including of Ikea furniture), bug-killing, the carrying of large/heavy objects.
As a woman, I am more-than strong and smart enough to accomplish any and all these things, but just because I can do something, doesn't mean I want to.
Like many women, I learned many traditional gender roles from my mother. Though she grew up without a father (he passed away when she was six), she certainly knew how to be the quintessential wife. This was a woman who had a piping-hot, three-course meal on the table every night when my father came home from work, which is pretty impressive when you consider she also worked. As for my father, he often worked 12 hours a day, in part so my mother could have a beautiful place to live. She liked taking care of the household, and it wouldn't have been an equal relationship if she didn't.
Other ways my mom is a conventional housewife type? Her decorating can rival Martha Stewart's, and no matter what she does, she always looks good while doing it.
All these things I admire in my mother, I have also adopted in my own life. I know how to cook a mean steak, and understanding how to decorate has often worked to my advantage, allowing me to create spaces that both me and my boyfriend enjoy being in.
And before you accuse me of being subservient and weak, consider that the dynamic works both ways. My boyfriend considers himself a feminist (sure, that's easy for him to say) and says that being with a great woman has made him a better man. From finally tossing that stained sweatshirt in the trash bin to grooming his hair and beard, he pays attention to what I say, too.
The other thing is that I'm by no means only a traditional woman. For example, I have no idea how to knit (I'd rather just buy a sweater), I can't and won't ever turn on a vacuum (someone can do it for me), and don't ask me how to fold a fitted sheet (I need another person's help).
At the same time, who can get in and out of a hardware store in less than 10 minutes, while her boyfriend is still trying to figure out what a wunderhook is? This woman can. Who can talk nine out of 10 men under the table about cars? This woman does. Who taught her boyfriend how to pump gas? You guessed it . . . I did, but mainly so I'd never have to do it myself again. (In all fairness, he grew up in New York City, where most people don't drive and self-service doesn't exist.)
Who knows which teams won the last three Super Bowls? Not me. Please, I'd rather watch The Real Housewives.
The point is, my traditionalism doesn't define me any more or less than my non-traditionalism does, and I don't think my belief in gender equality is undermined by my liking to cook or put on lipstick. If I do something for my man because it makes me happy, aren't I still in a position of power?
Any real feminist knows that being a strong woman is not about doing what a man or society wants you to do, but about doing what you want to do. And sometimes, what I want to do is make a steak dinner and parade around in lingerie—because serving two pink things for my man to eat that night feels really damn good.
